Austrian Alps

Austrian Alps

Beginning of a new journey… feeling everything and some peace at the same time…This past year was quite something. Last year I spent six month travelling in Latin America. Let’s just say I went there to discover, see the world, search for a purpose in this world… Let’s just say it has changed everything…

My whole trip I was searching and looking for answers and only after coming back when my whole world I started to build a new one. A world where I matter, a world where I can be anything and everything a world where I put my needs first for a change, a world where I feel loved, accepted and wanted instead of rejected, desperate, weak and breathless. Let’s see if I can create the impossible, the things that are only in my visions, my dream reality. At the same time I understood that no-one out there is waiting for me to save them and that no one is coming to save me. And that the real highest purpose I have here is to be myself - and if I can inspire you to be yourself at the same time - well that is just a bonus for which I am grateful already. 

So to summarise what is kristyna_world about right now (the vision is immense) - right now it’s a place of life and light and magic and of creating the impossible and living the dream. I’ve traveled and seen and desired and was accepting long enough that some things are just not for me - that they are for ‘the other ones’… and most of all living with victim guilt all these years made me drag along all my baggage wherever I went. I was bending myself for others light to shine, I felt less than someone else, I felt not deserving of some things, I was lowering my voice believing I don’t deserve to be heard and that I don’t really mean that much. Makes me sad just writing this now but still can relate to myself before because it was me before and it’s me now as well.

 

Now I know I can…

I can have it all…

I can want it all…

 

There is no such thing as deserving something or not. There is no such thing as a missed opportunity. There is no such thing as someone not deserving of love and respect. We all are one and each of us is unique. 

 

The thing that fell into place quite recently for me is that we all become victims in our lives one way or another. No matter how ‘big' our victim like experience was - we all believe our experience was big enough and over years of practice we convinced ourselves that we are victims and we can only accept life the way it is. Well let me stop you right there…I am here now to tell you, YOU are the creator of your own life. I am not sure if this sounds obvious but to me it definitely wasn’t for many, many years. I didn’t even think I had a choice not to be a victim anymore. I was pretty happy with my life, very grateful for being able to study high school and university, was really excited to work different jobs, it did all feel pretty free and something to be grateful for. 

But at the same time there was always this limit like line. This feeling of control not to be too much. To study but not to learn too much. To experience but not to know too many things. To earn but not too much. To feel good but not that good.

 

There was this force above me keeping me in a victim like position always reminding me - you were once a victim so this is the life you will live and be grateful for what you got. Sometimes it can be all fine but then there are these low points. And they seem to be testing you on how low can you go. (Better to laugh at them now cause we know they went as low as they could). Life keeps on throwing more and you start questioning it all. And especially once it all starts projecting on your health. For me it’s the migraines on which I could write a book - oh wait I already did :D.

And not only the migraines - it all comes hitting you from all sides and the illusion of falling in love with another person to save you is just a cherry on the top. I don’t know where you are at and trust me you are exactly where you need to be right now. I am just telling you what I didn’t hear or see before…falling in love with someone else before you fall in love with yourself or let’s say at least knowing about your own existence is some kind of bull they be throwing at us since babies. But as wise as I am now - there is no one to blame, especially not yourself. You did and are doing the best you can. At every single situation you are trying to make the best possible decision you can. And as shocking as it might seem at first - so is every other person in this world. Every single person is making the best possible decision at every single situation. 

This might be a lot at first and maybe even like sci-fi. Well it did to me. I know now. And yes for a reason, even though we are all just trying to make the best possible decisions we end up harming others and ourselves in the process. I’ll leave this thought at that for now.

 

To ease up the end of this blog post… I’ll be back to tell you again that you don’t have to be the victim of your life. And most of all I wanna be here because I figured out the world is there for me and I would like to share with you that it is also out there for you.

 

And there I thought this post was gonna be about the beautiful Austrian Alps I have been staying in for almost a month now. So maybe in the next post haha.

 

Take good care of yourself cause ain’t no-one else out there for that mission

I know that now

With love

Kristyna

 

 

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